Monday, December 29, 2008

Help me....I dont understand

Im at my wits end. I've avoided posting because things just haven't been good here and I didn't want to talk about it. So I thank you in advance for listening to me. Bill got cleared to go back to work on the 15th only to get laid off along with 23 other people. He is going to get unemployment but it hasn't kicked in yet. But there is that inbetween where all there is is my paycheck. The worst part of this whole mess is that the Teen is pregnant again. I've tried so hard guys you have no idea. I tried to talk to her and her dad...I pushed for the goddamn birthcontrol that she dragger her feet on. I feel hurt and betrayed (again) and I feel like she did this on purpose (and have been told the same by other people who came to talk to me about the situation as the pregnancy and other information got around) But I will say no more Im so tired, hurt and raw.

Outside of that there is other crap going wrong. Bill is behind on child support, there are issues going on with the boys' mother and a VERY real possibility that they could be coming to live with us if shit doesnt change. The damage to my car hasn't been fixed as I can't afford the deductible and no one has ever gotten back with us about the other driver. My poor car is falling apart......the brakes are grinding, not squealing, she needs an oil change and a tranny flush...she's slowly creeping up to the 100,000 mile mark. There is little to no money left over after mortgage and bills for much else and I had to hit the food pantry a couple times. I know its what is for....I know that I have done more than my share of donating to that and other things and that its ok but sometimes.....

The stress levels here have been insane at times. Bill is miserable and he tries so hard. He has been doing so much around the house as he can. He is no slouch but the stress has been getting to him for some time and now all this. We have been talking, trying to not snap at each other, trying to support each other but I worry about us as well are fuses have gotten shorter than what they naturally are.

I've been trying, Im trying to pick up cleaning jobs and what not, I've been trying to be frugal but then mess up. My mind goes blank, I just don't think like I use to. And it's winter to boot.
Someone tell me what to do, I don't know what to do. I know there are things I should be doing that I just can't think of.


Catherine said...

(((BIG HUGS)))
Looks like we're in the same leaky boat; sounds funny, but I'm glad for the company. Not that I'd wish this on anyone. Victor's been off work since the week before Thanksgiving, it's just my income (which doesn't BEGIN to cover the bills), we have no lights, my truck needs brakes, and my 17-yr-old leaves on the first to spend a week with her "boyfriend" in NJ (and, NO, she refuses to go on the pill). I wish I had the solution, but I don't. Just know that you are not alone, and that you'll get through this...eventually. If you get in a real pickle, e-mail me: I'll see if we can help from this end.

Sandra B said...

Found your blog thru "sustainable living" tags. I appreciate the changes you are trying to make. I hope people like you and I can inspire others to reassess their lives and realize there are better ways to live than what we've been brainwashed with on TV.
I feel for your pain-
I try to take comfort in knowing that I am not alone in the suffering department. As far as you and your spouse....I certainly understand that one. My husband is my best friend, but things have been going to hell for us lately as well and the stress can really grind on a person. We just remind ourselves that it is not "US" that is the cause of stress or unhappiness....we still love one another and that has never waivered....but because we are parteners in our experiences each of us ends of being the sounding board off which the other unleashes thier stress. It is not easy to find serenity in tough times but you must always keep trying. We are constantly mindful of the fact that it is the situation that is bad...not the two people in it who love one another.
Anyway...I just felt for you when I read this post. I am glad you shared are not alone. I hope you can find the beauty in life and see the places of true meaning to tide you thru whatever challenges confront you!
GOOD LUCK- all the best,