Monday, May 20, 2013


When you set out on a path with certain goals in mind you have a set course in mind.  If you're smart you know that the path may not take you exactly the way you envisioned it and sometimes where you end up is not where you planned on at all.  I've written before that I wanted a family of my own, to be a mother. I left a marriage to fulfill this dream. In the 3 years since then I have had relationships and even fallen in love but it's nothing that has brought me closer to where I want to be. I've had to walk away from those relationships with a sad heart, and now Im walking away from someone who loves me, who I love too, because some differences cannot be overcome. Bill taught me that the hard way, and I will not allow myself to enter into a battle I cannot win. We both new that it would come to an end we just didn't expect to end up in love.  The next few months will be spent in the garden in introspection while I heal up. Sometimes going after what you really want, whether it's a self sufficient home grown life or a family life, requires sacrifice.

Thursday, May 16, 2013


Since I have this new 10 hr/day work schedule I get Friday, Saturday and Sundays off.  Fridays are my work and errand days. I try to get up a little earlier and tackle things (laundry, house cleaning, grocery shopping, etc); sometimes it works, sometimes not so much. This Friday will be busy as Sister Zim, Brenna and I are supposed to be working in the garden at various times throughout the day. I'm quite looking forward to it. It seems that once again I'm not able to get my gardens in before mid-May...maybe next year. Brenna and another friend rented a heavy duty tiller to run through and bust it up but it was still a little too damp. Tomorrow Im taking the smaller one through, we'll mark out paths, lay down some fabric in areas and  if all goes well we will do some planting of the seedlings.

But this Friday is going to be a little different. Im only putting part of a day's work in as I have friends picking me up and we are going out to an SCA event in Elizabethtown, KY til Sunday. I'm excited as it will be the first time trying out the new tent! Ok, let's be honest, I'm stoked because it's an SCA event and I'm going out of state for it. Wish me luck!

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Spring is broken

Spring has been wonky as you all know. Southern Illinois is in the middle of deciding whether it wants to be summer already or go back to winter.  As usual the backyard is not dried out.  Brenna, Sister Zim and I have some seedlings started but the broccoli and cauliflower keep dying and this week I forgot to shut the light box off and fried some tomato seedlings...Some of the larger potted tomatoes held there own and the eggplants are now doing nicely though!!..the peppers aren't germinating but the seed was older so who knows. I spent an hour after work starting more tomatoes and cayenne.

Work is doing ok, Im on a different shift working 10 hour days now.  Its nice to only work 4 days a week. I now have entire weekends off. The downside is I dont get home until almost 11pm, I dont crash until like 1 or 3 (still working out the kinds there) and am trying to find a balance in all of it. This Friday we were supposed to till the garden but its going to rain again. Brenna and I are going to stake the garden and tarp it in hopes of keeping it dry enough so that when it stops raining Saturday we can till, keep your fingers crossed. Friday while Im stuck indoors I will be getting planters set up for some container gardening. At least some things will get done on Friday.