Bombs away!! The battle for my health.

Monday (Yesterday) marks the beginning of the countdown to my birthday, I am turning 36.  It's weighing heavy on me, snicker if you will, call me a pup if you want but no matter what it is still a valid emotion for me to have. It's been a rough couple days. This last Thursday I had to go to the doctor. My migraines were increasing and my anxiety and panic attacks were spiraling out of control. There is no shame is saying "I need help"  We went over the data at the doctors office. My blood pressure only goes up when Im at work or trying to deal with my anxiety.  We talked about the stress and anxiety levels and how it was affecting me. We went over the facts, my job is killing me. Im chained 10 hours a day to a desk. I am only allowed to get up to go to the bathroom and for lunch. I am not allowed to even get up to go to the printer, fax or label maker. I can stand up and do some stretches but I need to be able to move and you cant move in my cubicle.  That's the tip of the iceberg.  She took me off the blood pressure medication and put me on anti-anxiety medication and gave me a script for migraine medication. I am trying to get another job. So far no call backs. Im on the lowest dosage and its only as needed not a daily thing..then she dropped a bomb. Im now considered diabetic. As she put it, Im barely diabetic but Im past the line so it's official.

The doctor is confident that if I can lose 15 or 20 lbs that it will reverse itself. I've lost 6 since the previous time I had to go to the doctor. I now have to do glucose checks twice a day before I eat for the next month. I am NOT on insulin. We've been trying to eat better but now it's more crucial. Im supposed to get 30-45 minutes of exercise every day. That is one of my biggest problems though. My schedule is so wonky. Eating smaller meals more frequently throughout the day is not possible, Im on the phone constantly and cant take myself off the phone to eat, I'd get in trouble. Also, said schedule is not conducive to me going walking. Im a zombie in the mornings, Im functional enough to make sure I have good choices for breakfast and lunch and then auto pilot to work. Walking at night in De Soto alone tonight proved that this town has a high ratio of jackasses. I can't do stuff in the house after work, bouncing around makes doors rattle and wakes people up. I cant afford a gym membership...yet.

On my days off life is easier, I can cook awesome meals and get moving. So I started doing what I could. Friday I did errands and a walked a bit, grocery shopped for good food. Saturday was Farmers Market and Co-op with Brenna and Sunday I went hiking with friends to Garden of the Gods then over to Cave in Rock. I get more exercise on my days off then any other time but it isn't enough. I am frustrated but hopeful. I have the support of my friends. I have banned soda from my life. I am trying to get new recipes..that dont taste like cardboard..to implement. All the things are in a sharper focus and I'm trying not to feel like a failure. As for the anti anxiety meds..I could kick myself for not getting on it sooner. I've only taken a few doses, none needed when Im not at work. It doesnt make me dopey or zombie like. I just dont have that "jaw clenching, heart racing, the world is going to explode and everything is going to go wrong" feeling constantly going on.  I feel like I can breathe and I can cope and it doesnt make me feel all warm and fuzzy either. I was scared it would. I dont want a pill for that. I want my life to give me the warm fuzzies.

So here is to getting back on track!

Tea time

I mentioned in my last post about Emily(Mila) a friend of mine who came from out of state to visit recently. I met her at Dagorhir's Ragnarok last June. What started out as a Rag crush blossomed into a great friendship and she has brought something back into my life that I have been missing and I must tell you about it. No Im not getting paid to do this either.

Tea.

Yes, I said tea. Not the crappy tea I grew up with.. Lipton teabags made "southern sweet" by almost 2 cups of sugar to a gallon (and that is a mild version of it, in Mississippi they use more I found out!) Not even the better tasting Twinings teas that I had fallen in love with years ago but for one reason or another had quit having.  No this was beautiful tea, loose leaf and delectable.  She sent me a care package that soothed my battered soul, calmed my nerves and fortified me. 

It helps that she works in a tea shop...no not Teavana. Churchill's Fine Teas is based in Cincinnati, OH and they have an amazing selection, absolutely phenomenal tasting teas. How phenomenal you might ask? So phenomenal that when she knew she was coming to Southern Illinois she offered to bring orders with her for folks attending Byzantium Opener. They just had to place the orders in time. They jumped all over it. She has really made a name for herself as "The Tea Lady" My friends and family are addicted. I do invite you to stop over there online and see what they are about. OR better yet, if you can go in person I encourage it.(I haven't been able to myself but it is on the list of things to do this year!) Did I mention they have a flat rate shipping!

So what am I drinking? I have a couple different favorites. Hot Cincinnati Spice Black was my Winter season go to but I just fell in love with a Victorian Rose blend she brought along with White Lilac. Lilacs are my absolute favorite flowers and they have such a short span of time that they are in season so I forsee me drinking this often. Brandon loves the Creme Brulee Black, Walley is using the Kama Sutra Chai to make a batch of his heavenly mead. Their Serene Blend is used housewide when we want to relax or for those nights when our brains just wont let us sleep. They have almost 256 blends and they can make up something for you. So yeah, guess what a lot of my gift giving is probably going to involve.

This has been keeping me sane at work lately 

Just a small fraction of the awesomeness...they have over 256 blends!!

But really, let me get back to the point now.  I stopped taking the time to make tea. There is a calming down that comes with properly preparing tea. Getting the kettle set and going. Measuring into my tea pot or infuser. Pouring the tea and just sitting down and enjoying a cup or mug. Tea makes you stop for a moment and enjoy what is in front of you.  Something Im sure we all agree we need to do more.

Storms brewin'

Today is Thursday, Thor's day, and it is shaping up to be just as fierce as he is. Storms have broken out all over. I hear it's been bad in St. Louis but so far my friends checking in are alright. We are doing fine as well.  I have a deep love of storms, I like to be out in them and if I cant be in them I like to watch them through the windows. One of the few perks of growing up in Central Illinois is that during the daylight hours you can watch them roll in from miles away. It can be truly breathtaking. Sadly I worked today and my desk is no where near the windows in order for me to watch but I immensely enjoyed the shaking from booming thunder.  I did have the opportunity to make it home in time for another storm to come through once I got home. My windows are cracked open. My room smells of lovely rain and damp earth.

So what else have I been doing? At the beginning of March I took a week's vacation and went to an SCA event called Gulf Wars down in Lumberton, MS. I wanted to at least make War event this year and with the way work is (and also money) I don't know if I will be able to make Pennsic this year.  I had a blast. Sorry, not a lot of pictures, I only had my phone on me. I was lucky enough to catch a ride with some camp mates and went to New Orleans in the middle of that week. I was there about 5 hours, I had a great time and the most amazing food. I did not get to go to the Cafe Du Monde and I did not have beignets. So I WILL be going back. The amtrak station here is part of the route to New Orleans, I have a few plans. I had a good time, took some classes one for a health drink called "fire cider" and the other was a henna class. Mainly I passed out water to fighters on the field, hung out with friends in camp and relaxed.

Outside of my vacation? The weekend after St. Patrick's Day. My friend Mila, from Cincinnati came to visit and stay with me while she came in for a local Dagorhir event, Byzantium Opener. She is quite a lovely soul, an inspiration to be around and just plain fun. When she found out I am only 2 hours from St. Louis she said she would love to go see the Arch and to say she had lunch in St. Louis. "Sure!" I said, and off we went the next day.  We went to a place called The Kitchen Sink on the suggestion of one of her friends. We were not disappointed. Total foodgasm! We then decided to stop at the St. Louis Cathedral Basilica, and while I am no longer catholic I had a very emotional response to the beauty of the place and when we found out they were performing an organ liturgical for the Lenten season we both wanted to stay. I do have a lot of pictures from this trip I will post when I get them uploaded.

Outside of that? Work, which is not fun. Drama, which is not fun, nor will I get into it on here. Let it stay a part of March, in the past. April is soggy but has a lot of hope. I have been bad and not started any seedlings but it is on the books for this weekend. I was hoping yardwork would also be but my front yard is flooding so it is unlikely. Yeah for rainy weekends inside?? Maybe when I get the seedlings done I can work on some SCA crafts!! Oh and picture uploading.