End of January

It's been good then bad then better then worse and now its just "meh".  One of my roommates ditched out on me with a weeks notice. Grrr.  Brian is still here though and I also have a friend emergency crashing at my place after her and her guy split. If she gets the job she's going for then she will probably become the new roommate. If not then she's moving up north to stay with fam or in with someone who can afford to let her stay rent free, as is I could only offer her a month.  I feel bad but there's not much else I can do. I can't afford it. I need paying roommates.

Things with me and Bill have deteriorated significantly. We get along for a bit and then it goes all to hell. I still love him, I miss him but there is no hope of reconciliation. When it's all said and done no matter how bad it gets between us I want only good and happy things for him. I have yet to file for divorce, I don't have the money for a lawyer (I'd rather just do it ourselves) but Im trying to save up. Maybe I will have enough after taxes. Im still kinda lost on this and I still get depressed a lot about the whole thing.

One thing that has helped is the planning of the gardens. They are a mess at the moment. I did a piss poor job of putting it to bed. One thing is for sure I want black cloth or paper to lay down, concrete blocks and mulch. Oh and a fence I must have a fence this year. Lots of plans to travel short trips and long. Short trips like going to see Bakers Creek Seed Company just over in Missouri, a trip over to Ohio and maybe Kentucky.  The bigger ones like Ragnarok will be interesting to try to swing this year. But Im up for the challenge. What are you guys doing to pass this damnable cold weather?

1 week of December down

Im still here. I have 2 renters in now. Things are starting to be a little easier. It's that slow time of year (for me) that dark reflective time that comes after Halloween. It's below freezing here, unusual for my area at this point in the year. I found the package that I was suppose to send Phelan (Sorry!!) So I need to take that to the post. I am needing to make another batch of bar soap, start planning the new gardens, work on my crochet and I need to just....breathe. I've missed reading everyones' blogs. I started the other day and realized how detached I had gotten and how much I missed what I had started.

William has moved out. Eventually we will get around to a divorce.  The house and everything is in my name alone, which is both a comfort and a worry (isnt that how it goes?)  I have 1 renter moving in and Im awaiting confirmation from another.  Both are guys who I've known for ages who are stand up people.  Outside of that Im just dealing with crap best I can.  I got left with the dog, which severely limits my travel unless the renters would be cool helping me out with him.  I don't know how much into the homesteading lifestyle they would be or how they will adapt to how I live (and vice versa).  Its adapt or die time for me folks....and I choose adapt.

Will be on hiatus. My husband and I are splitting up. I can no longer lie to myself about not wanting to have kids. Even though it's not a guaranteed thing with my PCOS, I can't live with myself unless I at least try.  He has always been upfront that he did not want more children....which when the doctors were pretty sure I couldnt have one that was fine, it was a relief. But then the doctors had run some tests and said that I had a green light I just needed to try THATS when the whole thing changed, and I changed That was right before my step daughter got pregnant. Just goes to show that a little bit of hope can be a destructive thing.  We are and probably will remain very much in love with each other but there is no getting around this, so here we are both destroyed.

Dear August....You suck

Its been so dry for so long that most of the corn has been harvested in my area.  My garden is a mess and I really need to raze it and plant some fall crops.  I've been working OT so not much else has been done. That and when I do have a little time I just find Im tired :(  I have set time out tomorrow to get craft stuff made after work.

This month has sucked with the heat, not just in the garden but in my pocket book.  I've also managed to kill 2 pairs of jeans. I've hit the thrift store hoping to find jeans but to no avail. So I'll wait. Actually a girl I work with is going through her closets again so I may get another pair if Im lucky.

With William working more it means that Helen and I are left to our own devices for making dinner.  So far we are doing pretty well.  With the heat finally letting up I am looking forward to cooking...and to baking.  I'm going to make and can a batch of alfredo sauce again. I just need to go get the stuff for it.  I am actually thinking about opening up my house to friends and offer to do a canning party for sauce.  Im just not sure if they'd be interested. Well I know Brenna probably would. I have put in an attempt to build some community. I posted on my facebook asking if people in my area would be interested. We'll see how it goes.

My mom has asked what I would like for Christmas/Yule.  So far I've thought maybe a food sealer. But now Im seriously considering asking for gift certificates to Menards, Lowes, or maybe some nurseries. I would like to build some raised beds with concrete blocks instead of wood and I need to get some fencing for the back yard.  I'd like to get some blueberry or blackberry bushes and (though I lost the website) was eyeballing a dwarf fruit tree collection that supposedly would work well in a 10 x 20 spot.  I think it was called a postage stamp orchard. I think I would like some more stock pots now that I'm thinking about it.  Writing always makes my brain take off.

Oh and Im thinking it's that time of year that people are saving seeds and (possibly) already planning what they want for next/spring summer.  I am contemplating do a blogger seed swap.  Suggestions are more than welcome.

RAIN!!!

Got a nice thunderstorm that came and drenched the area. Rain barrels are filling up, ground got a great soaking.  We are getting a break from the 115 degree heat index. I've been working a bit and in spare time between calls at work ( i work in a call center) I have been trying to work on a budget.  I get to update it now cuz.......William has a job!!!!!!! We are all pretty happy. I'm still going to pick up overtime as its offered and put extra on bills.  But what relief!!

Tonight is the peak of the Perseid meteor shower. Last website I saw said it should be grand with the best times being from midnight to 4am.  I took a nap this evening with the belief that the storm system will clear out in time to do some stargazing. I thoroughly encourage you to do this also!!

PS Phelan I have not forgotten ;) No one has been able to catch the elusive dancing Stephie on film in time

Still here, lots of work and moving of several friends has kept me off the computer for any good stretch of time. But tomorrow I hope to have a relevant post fleshed out for you guys.