Bombs away

So yes, I know I have been away for a bit. Life has been crazy and I just hadnt taken the time to sit down and write about it. So let's bring everyone up to speed. Through October to New Years

Broke up with boyfriend, got back with boyfriend though he was no longer living with me when we got back together.

Got taken to the ballet which was wonderful.

Later that night while we slept, people entered our house (front door had not latched properly and had come open during the night) and stole stuff of me and awesome roomie Walley, not a lot of stuff but expensive stuff and my wallet. Nothing has been recovered as of this date.

Boyfriend moved back in earlier than planned due to the burglary.

Celebrated Christmas with family and New Years with friends. In the grand tradition I got massively sick with a respiratory illness that knocked me on my ass for almost a week. Im still recovering. We found out that the boyfriend's workplace was letting all the contract/temp workers go at the end of January.

Then yesterday my entire workplace was blindsided. They were closing our call center effective immediately, no warning.  We were taken in small groups, given packets specifically for each person with what would be an explanation of our severance.

I was ecstatic AND terrified. This was the thing that most of us had knew and hoped would come. This was what we had struggled and persevered through, all the bullshit that the company had put us through since we were bought out.  It had come and we weren't prepared. I was excited and happy with the information I saw in my packet. Three weeks severance for every full year worked. We would be considered to still be active employees with benefits until mid March and then get the remainder of our severance without benefits after that.

I got back to my desk and we were already locked out of our computers. I gathered the few meager personal items I still had at my desk so I would not have to make an appointment to come back. I wasnt sad or upset..until people started coming by to hug me. Thats when I got teary. We were blindsided and this was the last time I would see some of these people again. I was going to miss my coworkers. I have quite a few of them on facebook now though. We were told we would be contacted to come in to sign our severance packages around the beginning of March. I dont understand that part but ok. I did get the part of I cant apply for unemployment until after mid March as we are still considered active until then. I know this is better than what some people get when they lose their job. I am grateful for it.

I came home in a daze. I called my boyfriend to let him know I was ok. I texted him when the news broke. I called my Dad because, well, I needed my Dad. Mom wasnt home yet so I had to call back later. I came home and just tried to take it all in. I looked over my paperwork. I started to think of all the cool things I could do now. Dye my hair blue! I could finish my SCA projects, I could travel!

Then I started getting messages. Messages to sit back and relax and that I have earned a break. Messages reminding me how horrid my job had become, so bad I was on anti-anxiety medication just to deal with it. I had messages saying I needed to get looking for a job asap. I had messages reminding me I have a house and cats. I was reminded that the boyfriend would soon be out of work. I was told that I needed to be careful about taxes and tax brackets and other things.  I had a panic attack in the late hours. I couldnt fall asleep until 3 or 4 am today. I had nightmares that I couldnt find a job. That I lost all my close friends.

I do plan on taking a few weeks and chilling. I do have my resume updated already from when I applied for jobs this last summer. I've told the boyfriend he needs to update his. I have plans to go see some folk and family and get away for a little bit. I am going to refill my Xanax while I still have insurance. I started making lists.

Sink or swim. Let's see if I can put some of the homesteading knowledge into actual application.