Homemade for the Holidays (Winter check-in)

It's Winter Solstice

This is my "Yule Log" 

I haven't had a tree since Bill moved out five years ago. Without the step-kids and the step-grand-baby I just didn't have any incentive to decorate the first year or so. Three years back I lamented to Brenna and Sister Zim that I wanted to decorate but was didn't have a tree, didn't want a tree because the cat to human ratio increased and some of those cats are jerks. I know some fluffy bastard would bring it down and break something. They created the Yule Log. They snuck it in to the house and I came home to find it. It's now what I use in place of a tree. It has holes drilled to put in tea lights. It has owls. It's very much me.

I was on the fence about whether or not I would decorate this year. The weather has ranged from 40-70 F. It doesn't FEEL like winter. So it's hard to get into the mindset. I finally had an inkling to do something for the holidays, on the 21st! So I got the log down and then dug up my old Christmas decorations. It was rough, so rough. It made me homesick, it made me miss my late Uncle Scott who used to dress up as Santa. Several of my snowmen in the picture above are from him. I cried off and on the whole set up. 

Poor Brandon came home in the middle of it and did his best to help me. Then he let me open a Yule gift

It's a bluetooth speaker with extra bass! No more "tinny" music from my laptop or phone!

This is also the first year in almost a decade that I don't have a Christmas bonus to go shopping with and that's been rough. I know my friends and family don't care but I love gifting. So it's homemade presents for most people. I'm mid process of making different things for people. Stuff I have learned through the SCA has come in handy, I've made some rosewater and camphor perfumes and making some crocheted gifts. Also doing up some body washes, and some candles. Probably most will get them late. I've been having some things getting in my way...

Just some things Im working on

Like my oven breaking. The stovetop is fine but I can't bake a damn thing. I have a crock pot and an electric skillet so we can cook to a point, just not baking cookies, desserts etc. Not that I should be eating a lot of baked goods...but still, aggravating. After the holidays I'm hoping to get the repair guys out and they will tell me if it's worth fixing or buying a newer one (a newer used one).

Finals are over and I finished my first semester of college with a 3.7 GPA!! Next semester is going to be heavier credit hour wise, the courses tougher AND hopefully I will be working. My unemployment will be running out soon. I wont say where yet as it is not official. 

My health has also been trying to spiral out of control on me. My diabetes was not under control as well as they'd like and they also found out that my Vitamin D and my thyroid levels were low. So now I've cracked down and got it to a point where he decided against putting me on insulin. Now I just have to keep at it. Wish me luck.

The road I'm on

It's one of those cold chilly nights. I don't have anything to do really except for lay back and enjoy the cold air coming in from the open window by my bed. Autumn has always been a time for introspection, for healing my soul and for gathering my thoughts in preparation for the new year.

I admit I feel stuck waiting for my life to start its next chapter, Brandon moving in. At times it feels like I cannot make any plans until he's here. I fear that the lifestyle that I want to live, one of self sufficiency, urban homesteading and of intentional community will not suit him. The plans in my head are working under the assumption that he is on board 100 percent.

I want to get to a place where I can grow my own food from heirloom plants. To be able to avoid GMO products. To be able to raise the animals that produce the food for my table or at least know that they being raised without excessive hormones or antibiotics and under proper conditions. To be self sustainable is many areas as possible. I want to live in a place where me, my friends and other like minded folk and our children will be able to live healthy ,honorable and productive lives.

I spent about 7 hours at the St. Louis Zoo celebrating my niece's 2nd birthday. I saw lions and tigers, the bear was hiding...Friends came from from the surrounding states for what's basically a family reunion. In Southern Illinois I have no blood family. I moved down here because of love, 3 hours from the flat lands and miles of corn and beans that is Decatur, Illinois. Over the course of 7 years they became my family, my pack.  I have a small contingency of friends from Decatur that I've held on to. I consider them family as well. All of them helped me survive my divorce, lended a hand when stuff broke and have supported me in my quest to reconnect with myself. They are sometimes the reason I don't have an assault charge ;)

A few of my friends now have children of their own, another niece and 2 nephews (one I get to finally meet at the end of the month!) have come into my life. I love them dearly and relish my role as an Auntie. We are spread out now, throughout a few states even, so when we have an opportunity to get together we all try to take it, not everyone could but it was a good turnout. It was hot, I was sweaty, despite all of this I had a blast. It's Labor Day weekend, a weekend normally marked by sadness in my life. My uncle was killed during this weekend 7 years ago. There was no sadness, only a resoluteness to make sure that I took the time to stop these people and hug them, to look them in the eye and tell them "I love you" and hope to Gods they realize how much I mean it because they are my family.