So after my cathartic post I am feeling lighter. Thank you for your kind words and support.

Late last night I got a call from a friend of ours who is getting ready to move up to Chicago (6 hours north) and he asked if we want his queen size bed and box spring, we just need rails. I said of course! So we got that today from them and visited a while. Later,we ran back into town and did some errands. On the way back home I see a bedroom furniture set sitting on the side of the road. Long story short we got a huge dresser a nightstand/cabinet thing and an amoire for free. They had been in storage for 2 years and are in really good condition. I just got done cleaning them out. I will get pictures tomorrow.

Also, I received my first seed catalog today. I need to find my leftover seeds and check them out.

Help me....I dont understand

Im at my wits end. I've avoided posting because things just haven't been good here and I didn't want to talk about it. So I thank you in advance for listening to me. Bill got cleared to go back to work on the 15th only to get laid off along with 23 other people. He is going to get unemployment but it hasn't kicked in yet. But there is that inbetween where all there is is my paycheck. The worst part of this whole mess is that the Teen is pregnant again. I've tried so hard guys you have no idea. I tried to talk to her and her dad...I pushed for the goddamn birthcontrol that she dragger her feet on. I feel hurt and betrayed (again) and I feel like she did this on purpose (and have been told the same by other people who came to talk to me about the situation as the pregnancy and other information got around) But I will say no more Im so tired, hurt and raw.

Outside of that there is other crap going wrong. Bill is behind on child support, there are issues going on with the boys' mother and a VERY real possibility that they could be coming to live with us if shit doesnt change. The damage to my car hasn't been fixed as I can't afford the deductible and no one has ever gotten back with us about the other driver. My poor car is falling apart......the brakes are grinding, not squealing, she needs an oil change and a tranny flush...she's slowly creeping up to the 100,000 mile mark. There is little to no money left over after mortgage and bills for much else and I had to hit the food pantry a couple times. I know its what is for....I know that I have done more than my share of donating to that and other things and that its ok but sometimes.....

The stress levels here have been insane at times. Bill is miserable and he tries so hard. He has been doing so much around the house as he can. He is no slouch but the stress has been getting to him for some time and now all this. We have been talking, trying to not snap at each other, trying to support each other but I worry about us as well are fuses have gotten shorter than what they naturally are.

I've been trying, Im trying to pick up cleaning jobs and what not, I've been trying to be frugal but then mess up. My mind goes blank, I just don't think like I use to. And it's winter to boot.
Someone tell me what to do, I don't know what to do. I know there are things I should be doing that I just can't think of.

Broken update

Nasty fracture of the thumb...its currently casted but if he doesnt do right by it his thumb will be SERIOUSLY jacked up. He's got paper work in for FMLA at work, which may or may not help. I found out today they gave us a raise of sorts (I think to adjust for the minmum wage hike we had, not really sure) they say it will not affect our performance raises we would get towards spring. Training is going well, I really think I will like the people in this dept...we have a buddhist, one of the other supervisors does a LOT of canning and another girl and I got into a discussion about our liking Mother Earth News magazine.

Changes and a Mac Truck

So there is much going down on the homefront. Monday I was told that I got the position I had applied for about a month ago..Which means day shift...same days off, same pay. Oh and by the way could I work Monday night til Midnight then come back in today at 8am. Sure! No problem...thats why the gods invented coffee and mt. dew. So I should be sleeping but Im still up cuz Im a huge ball of anxiety. Bill broke his thumb....not sure how bad but bad enough that he has to see an orthopedic doc tomorrow (cant go gotta train grrr) and I don't know how long he will be off work. Of course being the spaz I am I have obsessed over everything. Its driving Bill nuts and I hope to feel better tomorrow.

In other news I did harvest some more roma tomatoes, jalapenos and green peppers.

Doing Not Thinking Challenge Update

Ummm not really sure what week it is I've lost track. Not done a whole lot garden wise. But its my weekend that will change. Saturday Bill purchased 2 huge plastic drums from the recycling center and made rainwater harvesters. Some guy had come in a few days before that and bought 80! At $6 a pop! He's probably making collectors too and selling them for $70+. Grrr smart guy though lol. Anyway...tonight we had a small rainstorm I will check the barrels in the morning.

Im getting a little worried. Ok Im waay past a little worried. Im panicked. I watch the news online and its making me nauseous so I quit. Still no word on the new job position. Talked to Jodi today. Her and a girl from my fighting unit came over to help me pick green beans and can them. So far I did another 7 quarts but it looks like 2 of them might have seal failure. Grrrr. Anyway, was talking to Jodi and she mentioned that her king bed would not fit well in the extra bedroom and the possibility of swapping beds with us for the 5 or 6 months she would be here. We have the biggest room but only a full size bed. I told her that would be fine with me if she was cool with it. So that seems like the probability of her moving in is high. Of course nothing is in stone..Its a long way to January. Im trying to get my 2 credit cards consolidated. I also still have the car payment. Once I know about the job position thing then I will be picking up a second job. I dont care if its working along side the Teen at Burger King. I am making myself sick worrying about us having enough money to pay bills, gas and food. I do NOT have enough put by to see my family through winter without supplementing from the grocery store. The more I try to curb my spending the more that seems to go out the window. Quite honestly right now I feel like s#*t.

I worked in the garden quite a bit today. Some of the tomato plants had to go. They weren't doing anything and were looking horrid. Jalapenos are still churning out as well as the super long cayenne we got. I got quite a few green peppers as well. I pulled up a lot of grass. And I will have to start pulling the melons as they have gone wilty on me. I think also that I have an aphid infestation :( Not happy. I found some carrots had finally come up and some lettuce that sprung. Quite happy about that I must say. There are tons of catepillars that are trying to eat my fennel. Bill is quite pissed that I asked him to pull them off and put them in the grass and not kill them. I think a few of them are Monarch pillars and even if they werent Im not a catepillar squisher....though its open season on most other bugs. Anyway, I am up to my armpits in green beans again. I have about 13 quarts or so put up plus some in the freezer but I am running out of places to put stuff. Bill says we do not have enough to last us a year. Umm there is only 3 of us here at the moment. I dont forsee us going through all that. Might be 4 come January. Oh yeah I forgot to mention. I offered our old roommate Jodi the 3rd bedroom for $250 a month. Her lease at her efficiency is up in January. She should be graduating at the end of next spring. Not sure if she will take it though. It would be really nice though to have the extra money.

Speaking of money. I went to get the stuff to make Phelan's Alfredo Sauce and the cost of supplies made my mouth drop.. I really need to get in with someone who has a dairy operation going on.

• 1 quart of heavy whipping cream is currently $3.28
• Trying to get 16 oz of shredded parmesan cheese was insane. Arnold's market was out and the Co Op was closed so I had to get it at Krogers....18 oz was $10.80
• Butter is almost $3 for a pound.

So Im going to try to get that canned tonight.